I wonder if ancient kings and warlords used to use chess to plan military strategies. "We'll have the pawns storm the castle, and the bishops can come at the sides at an angle." "But sir, how will we get over those barricades?" "The mounted knights can make the jump. Send them." "Sir, they made it over, but they keep landing off to one side and colliding with things." "Damnit, I forgot they can only make L-shaped leaps!"
It's wedding season again. I'm even a groomsman. It's somewhat exciting, but it always makes me kind of sad, you know? Everyone having a good time, dancing and drinking, and wearing those nice tuxedos. And I just think, why? Why can't my life be like that? Why can't I be a secret agent? I swear, if terrorists attack and get taken down by a lone tuxedoed man like at the last wedding I was at, I'll just burst into tears.
You know how whenever a supervillain captures his arch nemesis, instead of jus t shooting him right away, he utilizes some excruciating slow method of killing him, like putting him in a vat of really weak acid, like vinegar, or possibly throws him into a pit of ravenous yet toothless ducks, and then leaves so that the hero has plenty of time to escape, and then the hero always does escape, and defeats his arch nemesis? That's why I'm not a supervillain. Cause that's a lot of little packets of vinegar.
True genius to me is not caring what anyone thinks. And when everyone laughs at you for your unconventional research, or crazy ideas, you don't stop what you're doing. And when people think you're going crazy, you don't think twice about it. And no matter what reasons people give you to doubt yourself, you never do, and never give up your ideas and your theories, even when everyone turns against you. And then, when you go to a science convention to unveil what you've been working on all this time, and people say "You trained a gerbil to ride on a little bicycle? That's all you've been doing all this time? What possible scientific merit does that have?" you just reply "Shut up! I'm a genius!" and throw the gerbil at them. That's what genius is to me.
I was meeting someone at school the other day, even though I'm not actually taking any spring courses there, and we were in the gym, doing a bit of a workout, and there was this class there, on volleyball. I think it's for some kind of a physical education degree, or sports degree, or something. Like, to be a gym teacher, I guess. Some of the spring courses are only a few weeks along, with three hour classes five days a week, or two or three times a week, depending on how many weeks the course is. In this particular class they had to learn how to set up a volleyball net, and then...play volleyball. I can only imagine what it's like when these twenty something university students go home. "Mom, I'm home!" "Hello dear, how was school today?" "Okay I guess, but Tommy Finkmeyer gave me a wedgie in gym class!" Higher education. Gotta love it.
It seems to me that soccer riots and heavy metal concerts are very similar. I think the next time Manchester United loses, and people start freaking out, I'll leap off of some precipice and crowd surf. People don't usually get quite so worked up though, watching the game from here in a bar. I think we're just not as spunky as the British.
I was talking to Joe the other day. Joe's the Head Monkey of my Invisible Flying Psychic Monkey Air Squadron. Did I tell you I had an Invisible Flying Psychic Monkey Air Squadron? Oh. Well, I have an Invisible Flying Psychic Monkey Air Squadron. So, I was talking to Joe the other day, and he said "Nice shirt". It is actually a pretty nice shirt.