My brilliant yet terrifying mind has just produced plans for a powerful new military weapon. An explosive device filled with liquid paper. You know, that stuff you use to correct mistakes in pen? Just think of it, terrible paper-cuts to everyone in the immediate blast radius. An inability to continue fighting because "Ow, that stings!" And it could be a lethal weapon in the war against hemopheliac terrorism. There are a lot of hemopheliac terrorist groups I hear. This should keep them on the run. But, what if this technology got into the wrong hands? It's like those famous scientists that helped lay the groundwork for the Manhattan Project and felt guilty for the rest of their lives. Will I regret unleashing this dangerous new weapon on the world? Time will tell.
I'm enshrouded in night, existing only in shadows. My soul is in perpetual darkness. All's well.
I've always wanted to be a bard. But you know, come to think of it, I don't think there's really any training involved. It seems like more of a state of mind. You know what? I can do this. Henceforth, call me Tarit the bard! Forsooth, and what have you. Did I mention I'm a sexy bard? As sexy as sexy can be. Well, maybe not that sexy. Hmm, as sexy as a nerdy physics major can be. Yeah, that sounds about right.
I think, far in the future, dogs will have learned how to talk, and will stage civil rights protests so that they can live independent lives. They'll want the opportunity to live away from their masters, pursuing their own dreams. But their tendency to smell everyone's crotch when they first meet will be a big obstacle to their plans, especially when they start nosing the supreme court judges and world leaders. Damn it, they can't help who they are!
My heart is black, my soul is black, my thoughts are black, my vision is black. My underwear is white. And oh so comfy. Thank you Fruit of the Loom.
If you've ever considered joining the army, but aren't sure if it's the path for you, I have some info that might tip the scales. Socks. The Canadian Armed Forces issues the world's best socks. I'm not kidding. We may not have nuclear or biological weapons. We may not have a space based laser defense grid. We may have only half a bullet per soldier, but man, you won't find a better pair of socks. That's where our military budget's been going.
The underwear sucks though.
According to Quantum Theory, effects such as tunneling, whereby particles mysteriously pass through solid objects, based on a certain probability, becomes highly unlikely with larger pieces of matter. An electron, for example, has a certain reasonable probability of escaping an escape proof containment unit of some kind. On the other hand, if I were to run towards a brick wall at full speed, there's an unfathomably infitesimal probability of my making it to the other side unscathed. Even if I were to attempt it, say, a trillion times, I would most likely bounce off the wall painfully each time. But, it's not impossible, and that's all I need to know. I'd better make sure I get a good running start.
You might think it's cool to be a ninja, blending with the shadows, robed in the night, but do you know how bad lint shows up on black? You need to carry a brush with you everywhere, and don't get me started on the whole dandruff issue. Many a time, a promising young student of the school of ninja had to give up his dream, due to unsightly flakes. I tried the special prescription shampoo, I swear I did!
I really love tacos. You know, I'm the kind of guy, where if I like something, I like it, and that's all there is to it. When I found out that many of my favourite snack products were made of horse hooves, did I flinch? No, I most certainly did not. And if I found out that my tacos were actually made out of, oh, I don't know, chihuahas, that wouldn't slow be down for a second. Not on taco tuesday. I just thought I'd put that out there.
Yo quirolos archivo?