Of course, the smearing of chicken blood on the intended victims during most dark rituals is done only by the more superstitious dark lords.
The popular phrase "You fool! You've doomed us all!" was actually coined by Dr. Antilles, when his assistant Floyd accidentally activated the doomsday device while looking for a place to heat his microwave burrito.
The reason daredevils and other people who show off with impressive stunts are sometimes called "hot dogs" is because wieners are such notorious exhibitionists.
The brave warrior just stood there, casually leaning against a tree as the large jaguar moved ever closer. The people of the village looked on in horror as the jaguar moved right up to the unflinching warrior and bared its teeth. The warrior was stone still, not a tremble to be seen. The jaguar sniffed him a couple of times, and still the warrior would not be moved. The jaguar then turned and sauntered away. The village people cheered and ran to their fearless hero, to carry him off to glory and a great feast. But the warrior was dead, he'd had a heart attack when the jaguar first appeared, and crapped his warrior raiments. The tree grew ever strong after that. And that was how the Incan people, famed farmers of ancient days, discovered fertilizer.
It occurs to me that true happiness can be found only in understanding and enlightenment, which can be reached only through long and deep meditation and strict discipline. Also, I don't think disco's going to make that comeback after all.
I've come to the inescapable conclusion that it's my destiny to cleanse the world of all pickles and pickle-eating people. Of course, it's obvious now. It couldn't have been any other way.
Sometimes late at night, I wonder, with the vastness of the universe, how we could be the only intelligent life out there. And sometimes I wonder if I could hit the toilet without getting out of bed. No matter how many times I try, I just can't make that corner.
So I was walking down the street, and suddenly, lo and behold (that's right, not just lo, but lo and behold), I found myself facing the most amazing, awe inspiring sight I'd yet encountered in my young life. I forget what it was exactly. I have a terrible short term memory. You wouldn't believe how I am with names. So I got a fruit smoothie at the mall, picked up that Presidents of the United States of America CD :), and pretty much headed home after that. Oh yeah, that smoothie was soooo good. I wish I had one right now. Uhhhhh. Anyway, I bumped into Shoeless Joe on the way back, we hung out a bit. Just hanging with the homies there, feeding the rats, did some sewer fishing. Then I was on my merry way. I had forgotten about the amazing thing I saw by this point. It might have been an underwear sale.
Let me tell you a story about Old Shoeless Joe. Joe was hungry you see, and he'd had his share of italian (empty pizza boxes with cheese in them), chinese (those bugs that look like rice) and assorted refuse (McDonald's). So he decided he had to make some quick cash and treat himself to a real meal. As luck would have it, his prayers were answered almost immediately, when an armoured truck rumbled by and a sack of money fell out. He spent most of it on tubes of Pillsbury cookie dough. Luckily he had enough left over to pay for the stomach pump. From Henrietta, the bum down the street. She had a vacuum cleaner. That's pretty much the whole story. If you're ever in the downtown area, stop by and see Shoeless Joe. He can eat with his feet.
If we don't know history, we are doomed to repeat it. Therefore, check out my archives. Study hard. Oh yeah, and don't do drugs.