You bastards!! What have you done with Jimmy?! Oh, wait, there he is. Sorry, I'll just let myself out.
I have two young sisters, and they can be pretty annoying. But sometimes, the worst thing in the world is dealing with their friends. There's this one girl, whose name I forget, and she is so nasty to me, for no obvious reason. She's one of those stupid little kids that's reached the point where she thinks she's cool, and she's doing the whole junior high I'm a goddess, now bow down before me, and suffer. Her incessant chattering about people I don't know or care about, and her whole "I'm Miss Teen Popularity" act is more than I can take. She is so mean. The things she says, most people don't realize I'm the sensitive type. If she calls me a butthead one more time, I think I might break down and cry. Seriously though, it's tough to take. I swear, she had a seed of evil buried deep within. By now, it's grown into a fern. Someone get me a cross or an herbicide or something.
You know, I have this friend who's in computer modeling. Yeah, she walks down the runway, displaying the latest in technology. You gotta see the new pentiums, mucho sexy.
I am creating the perfect CD, the ultimate in mood music. Music that affects your soul, makes you feel darkness and beauty and sadness and the whole bit. I don't know if it has that affect on everyone, but it'll be the perfect CD for me at least. Now that I think of it, I guess it's kind of ambience music, but only the best, and it's really the more ambient songs from the classical and alternative categories. It contains a huge variety of stuff though. Some more well known songs from Moby, Jet Set Satellite, Gob. Then I got stuff you've never heard of from Dave Navaro, Sisters of Mercy and Yoko Shimomura. It's a gutsy mix, to say the least. They say it's a thin line between genuis and insanity. I'm right on the line. And I'm trying to walk it without falling over, but I lied to the police officer when I said I hadn't had anything to drink. Anyway, it'll be either a perfect CD, or an excellent frisbee. Only time will tell.
No one believed I could do it. No one supported me, they all scoffed. But I've finally done it. I have created a weapon so powerful, nothing could withstand it. An unstoppable harbinger of death, the pinnacle of weapons technology, my own apocalypse. And now..NOW!! They shall all suffer! I'll, um, throw stuff at them or something. Maybe sneak up behind 'em and whack 'em upside the head. Then they'll regret the day they laughed at Virgil T. Pinkmeyer. Note to self: finalize name change.
Sometimes I wonder if ants are smarter than we know. Maybe they have a whole society, with art, and social events. Maybe they're plotting the annihilation of the human race so they can claim the top of the food chain. Ha! Fat chance! We can just step on them. Stupid ants.
Sometimes I stare at the rain drops rolling down the window, and I imagine that they're little tadpoles. And I pretend that they're swimming around in a little pond, and they're a whole little tadpole town. And the whole town gathers together for the fair whenever it rains, and they dance and they swim around together and everyone has a wonderful time. Then one day, my favourite tadpole, Blinky, died. I was depressed for a long time after that.
I recently attained godhood. You are all my people, and my first command is to burn your most prized posessions in a fire of purest willow in tribute to me. My second command is to hock your most valuable posessions in a pawn shop of, well, some kind of building material. Then send me money. I really like big sacks of cash money. And gold. Gold is good.
I think the stupidest subject in school is geography. I mean, it's not like I plan on living in the world anyway. One subject that I think is really worth paying attention in though, is history. Cause you never know when that crazy scientist guy who lives on your street is gonna succeed in creating a time machine, in which you unwittingly become the test pilot, and have to use your knowledge of history to survive in the new era until you can find your way back.
No matter what the class though, it's always good to pay attention, because you never know when some day, far in the distant future, you might end up needing to remember one single piece of information, to use at an appropriate time. Especially with the wacky adventures I have. Like this one time, I spilled grape juice all over mom and dad's new couch, and the Beave's like "Oh man, what are we gonna do?". But I was like, "Wait a minute, science class, vinegar and baking soda!" Yep, that was certainly a close shave. The baking soda didn't work, but we turned the cushion over.
I just picked up a DVD player, and like, 5 DVD's. Including.....Ninja Scroll! Mentioned in the anime section. It's about this guy Jubei, a "masterless ninja". A masterless ninja! That's the best kind!! Also I got Unbreakable, very cool. And, the Big Lebowski, which I highly recommend for the guys. It's got bowling, swearing, and an almost completely incoherent story. I can't believe it didn't win an emmy.
When young Tommy asked me where the sun went at night to make things so dark, I told him it was because the sun was flickering. We never used to have dark nights at all, but the sun's almost burnt out now. Probably in the next few weeks, the sun'll die completely, and the earth will grow completely cold and dark, and every living thing will quickly die. Kids love stories like that.
Sometimes, just for laughs, I like to walk down a busy sidewalk, and then, for no obvious reason, stop suddenly, causing a disturbance. It can be really funny. Sometimes when I'm in my car I like to do that too. And this one time, it was sooooo funny! This guy had a big load, and he couldn't stop, and he rear ended me and snapped my third vertebrae. So now I have to wear a neck brace. When I think back on it, it still makes me laugh. Then I grab my neck cause it really hurts when I laugh.
Thank you for reading the stream of consciousness, brainchild of mental impotence. More of my thoughts in the archives.