The other day, while I was building a scale model of the Eiffel Tower out of paper clips, I thought of a great new ad campaign for the Horse Hooves Advisory Council. “Horse Hooves, the other, other white meat. *Disclaimer: Not actually meat. **Or white. I’m so brimming with great ideas, I may have to start this council myself. But instead of calling it the Horse Hooves Advisory Council, I’m thinking of maybe calling it the League of Darkness. And also, besides the ads, I’m thinking we could enslave humanity, and I could be king. In the name of Horse Hooves though. Gotta pitch this to the Advisory Council Advisory Council.
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from swans, it’s don’t poop on someone with a gun.
Why doesn’t anyone say jive anymore? All these new kids on the block and their “I don’t care about anyone” attitude. Whatever happened to love? Groovy, psychedelic, jive love? All these L’s on foreheads, and calling people lame-os. Especially me. I hate being called a lame-o. Why can’t you kids just leave me alone! (5 minutes of sobbing)
Was Muppets creator Jim Henson making a statement about inter-racial relations with the Kermit the Frog/Miss Piggy love story? Cause I think that’s super.
Has anyone else noticed how much ethanol distillate smells like a mixed fruit pie? I wonder what it tastes like? Damn, I wish I hadn’t put it down the organic waste chute.
I was sitting in Organic Chemistry the other day, and the lecture really made me think. I thought things like “How is it that someone who sucks so much is teaching me?” and “I wonder if it would hurt if I stabbed my brain through with this pencil?” and "Ow!"
In my next life, I wanna come back as the sqaure root of negative infinity. Just to piss off the guys in the reincarnation department. There’d be memos back and forth between them and the people in fictional/mathematical relations. It’d be great. Office workers are so easily wound up.
Frogs are pretty cool animals. They’re such cute little things, and they can lick any part of their body. If they were bigger, and able to drive a car, I’ll bet they’d get all the women.
Til death do us part. Isn’t that a little extreme? I mean, what if a giant electric flying monkey does us part? Isn’t that enough? For the love of God! Can’t that be enough?
Chocolate coated, double frosted fried sugar. You know you want it.
I’m more than just cool, I’m like, uber-cool. Like, I’m a God among my peers. And I don’t care what you say, they’re wedgies of affection!
We've all been there. You know what I'm talking about. You have a lot too much to drink, get seperated from your friends, become acquainted with a mysterious stranger... The next morning you wake up in a strange bed, a parakeet lying next to you smoking a cigarette. I really can't stress enough the dangers of second hand smoke.
Darkness comes. I forebode destruction of cataclysmic proportions. Armageddon is nearly arrived. Check the ancient texts in the archives. Only you can stop it.