How to Write a Novel

The Intro

Just how do you write a novel? I suspect there are many others besides myself who, one lonely, long ago day, decided they wished to leave some mark on this world, possibly becoming an overnight success at the same time, raking in millions during multiple reprints. But it's not that easy. Just ask Michael Crichton. I'm sure he'll say something like “It wasn't that easy.” Luckily, you have this handy guide to help you get started. Becoming a world famous author is a breeze with this easy to read, step-by-step manual.

Premise

Of course, you need a premise! If you're having trouble thinking of one, take something that's been done already, and add a twist. Then, later on, when you're writing a synopsis to put on the back cover or inside flap, you can say it's “[blank] with a twist!” You could also try combining several ideas together. Here's what I do. I take a hat, preferably a bowler, although a top hat will do in a pinch. I take a bunch of movies, tv shows and books that I liked, write them down on pieces of paper and use them to fill the hat. Then I pick two or more pieces of paper at random. And thus Huckleberry Finn, the Vampire Slayer From Outer Space was born!

The Beginning

You need to capture the reader's attention right away. Therefore, you should have something exciting happening from the get-go. Even if your story is about a farmboy who leaves home to live in the big city, throw some kind of violence in there to kick things off. Like, say for example, the boy is getting ready to catch his bus, and suddenly, a stolen nuclear device held hostage by terrorists is accidentally released from a B-52 Bomber, completely disintegrating the farmhouse and everything he loves. See, now that's an opening. And from there you can go into his office job, and learning how to use their fancy high-tech coffeemakers, and redecorating his apartment. A little diversity is a good thing.

The Ending

Just as important as the beginning, maybe even moreso. Where you decide to put your ending determines how long your story will be. For example, if you put your ending on the 150th page, that will result in a 150 page novel. See what I mean? Depending on how much you can afford to spend on paper when submitting your manuscript to publishers, the choice of where to put the ending is critical. As for what the ending is, try to surprise the reader. Even if the ending is entirely convoluted and doesn't even make sense, that's okay. They're even more likely to be surprised. “You mean the butler was the one who did it all along? Even though he was standing right here the entire time, during all the murders, and was later killed himself, as well as buried? Ohhhh, it was his evil twin!” Never underestimate the value of evil twins in making a plot come together.

Story Development

Story development is actually pretty easy. Once you have your premise, culled from the invaluable hat, as well as the beginning and ending, all you really have to do is get from point a to point b. Keep typing until you get to page 150 (or whatever page you decide on), then stick in the ending. Of course, interesting stuff should happen in between, which connects the beginning to page 150. I mean, the ending. In order to maintain interest, make sure you continuously have lots of exciting stuff happen, but furthermore, suggest the possibility of more excitement to come. With the wonder of foreshadowing, you can create a sense of foreboding and dread, which will make the reader want to find out what happens even more. There are other things you can do to make sure your story is a real page-turner. Explicit sex is usually a big hit, as well as gruesome violence. You could also offer to pay people to read your book all the way through, though this may not be the best choice if you're trying to make a profit.

Character Development

It's also important for readers to get a feel for your character, and feel some kind of kinship with him. A character which is easily relateable is key to a successful story. This is why I suggest taking an already loveable character and simply changing his name. A vague suggestion of possibly being long lost brothers of that “other” famous character of a similar name, without explicitly stating so, can mean the difference between millions in book sales and millions in lawsuits. Tread softly where copyright infringement is concerned, but do not feel yourself a plagiarizer. Remember, “there are but a few stories, and they have been told thousands of times.” So what's one more?

Plot Devices, Narrative Style, Genre, Etc.

Anyone who uses any of these things is just showing off. No really. I have no idea what half of them even mean, and look at me! I'm writing a freakin' guide! Buy my book. I'm still trying to get it published.

Back to Special Projects